You Are NOT the Father

Ok, sooo...

After about a month and a half of waiting, my Maury episode is finally going to air!! Just to clarify, I'm not actually one of the people on the show...I'm featured in the audience.

Many of you may know about my deep love for Maury paternity tests. So when I went to New York for spring break I had to make sure I saw a taping of the Maury Show. Allysha and I decided that we had to do whatever it took to make sure we got to see the show. Since we were staying with her sister in the Bronx, this meant waking up before the sun to get down to Manhattan and get in line early for the taping.

The Maury Show has to be the most low-budget operation in television. It's filmed in the Hotel Pennsylvania across from Madison Square Garden. The only way you'd know it's filmed there is by the sign they put out on the sidewalk in the side entrance of the hotel. Contrary to popular belief, you don't even need tickets to go see the Maury Show. You just show up and get in line. They pass around a sign-in sheet and then give you a wristband. The same people who do security for the show pulling baby mamas off of each other are the ones who control the line and hand out wristbands. They then take you upstairs and through a metal detector and bag check. Apparently, this isn't standard protocol for show tapings, but I guess Maury has to take extra precautions. You're then led into this "waiting room" which actually just looks like a big break room. So we waited there for a while and admired the "decorations" in the waiting room: a single 8x10 of Maury, an autographed Maury t-shirt, and letters from little kids.

Then came the moment I'd been waiting for. They started calling out numbers to be let into the studio. Since we got there pretty early, our wristbands were numbers 22 and 23. We got led down the hallway (yes, the very same hall where you see the baby mamas run after the man they were 1,000% sure was the father actually isn't) and into the studio. The guy in charge of seating scattered people around and, amazingly, we were put in 2nd row center!

While waiting for the show to start I recognized a man who has become a Maury Show legend. I said to Allysha, "Isn't that the man who keeps coming back with the same woman even though he's not the father?" Sure enough, it was him. The producer told us we were in for a great show because it featured women who had been on multiple times and still can't find the father of their children. He told us we needed to have BIG reactions to everything that happened, and I can safely say, mission accomplished.

So, they're playing music (Lil Jon, Fergie, T.I.) while waiting for the show to start, when all of a sudden we hear a recording of Maury's voice saying, "You are NOT the father!" Then Maury comes dancing out to this rap song about Maury and baby mama drama. Everyone's screaming and clapping and dancing along with him. Maury's on stage dancing, twisting up his fingers to make an M, and then threw up the Roc-A-Fella sign. I couldn't stop laughing.

I don't want to ruin any part of the show by telling you what happened, but it was a lot of fun. Be sure to watch "I'm Testing the 17th Man...Will This Be the Father?" on Monday, April 30.